I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
