I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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