Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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