So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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