he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
