the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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