Im at strip club and am horny
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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