So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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