I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
