Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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