she takes plan B like it's going out of style
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
