I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
