It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
