It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
