Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
