JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
