It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
