i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How does it feel to date your dad?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
