Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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