i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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