please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
