You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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