I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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