Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
