Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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