I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
