I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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