the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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