Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
