i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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