the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
