Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
