it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
