I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
