I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
