Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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