omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
