the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
