Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
