I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
