I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
