dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
