Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
