getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
