Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I take back everything I said about communal showers
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
