its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
