I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
