You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
