i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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