ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
