WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
