Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
