bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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