this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
