y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
