No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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