This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I met the friendliest cop last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
