drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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